I am Wormwood, estranged nephew of one elder demon, Screwtape. His famous series of tiresomely boring letters were SUPPOSED to be a bit of advice from an experienced hand at the bringing of souls to our Father below, but instead proved to be a running narrative of my alleged failings.
As part of my re-indroduction to the world of demoning, I have been tasked with keeping a blog posting of some of the newer methods of bringing souls to the fold of eternal damnation. There is said to be nothing new under the Sun, but the technology has changed so quickly since the publication of those letters in 1943. Instantaneous communication is possible, and the desire to spread the habits of good demoning as quickly as possible is demanded by our Father below.
The first advisory is Vigilance. Capital V. Our enemy above has recently gathered new converts to his empire, and we shall endeavor to slice them away from him, bit by bit, one at a time. The loss of but a single soul condemned me to 70 YEARS of torment. In case you don't know what that's like yet, perhaps I shall explain our beloved Fathers sense of humor. My mornings began with the cursed sound of chirping birds, making a happy noise to the enemy. It was immediately followed by the morning sandpapering of the genetalia, three days per week.
The other four days, that happened with a cheese grater.
Afternoons were spent in deep conversation with political personalities of the day. You've not experienced a special form of hell until you've been forced to moderate a three-year debate between Che' Guevara and Pol Pot, with Mao as a referee.
Evenings, dinners consisting of cold ramen, and being forced to listen to disco music, and pick-up jazz bands.
Pay attention to thee forthcoming lessons, less you be forced to experience this special brand of our Father's humor.
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