Pandora's Last Gift

   All young demons in training must consider for a brief moment the legend of Pandora, and the myth which lay behind it.

   After Prometheus stole fire from the gods, they conspired against his brother, Epimetheus. They "gifted" him with a beautiful creature, a feminine model for the modern age. She (Pandora) in her role as that gift, was given a jar, with "other gifts from the gods." 

   She was commanded never to open the jar. We all know how that worked out. On opening it, she let loose all the plagues of death upon mankind. in seeing them escape, she slammed the lid of the jar shut, capturing that one last "gift" to mankind...Hope.

   Hope is an extraordinary gift, but truth be told, it was never captured. It was released as first among the many plagues, as nothing tastes better in the mouth of our Father below than a tormented soul who has managed to season itself with that delicious spice. Think Jerked Chicken, then add ground red pepper and cumin.

   Consider for a moment the souls which you are attempting to capture for our master. Their hope is what keeps them alive and going in times of mortal despair. Take every priceless possession a man has, his job, his house, his livelihood,  his family, and he will still cling on to that slight chance of improvement. If you show him his life is hopeless, he will turn his attention toward our enemy above, and offer his soul.

   That will not be permitted. Repercussions are swift and severe. You will forced to become the mate of Yoko Ono, when she arrives, and have to enjoy her singing. 

   In all things, let there remain the slightest chance, the vaguest glimmer of hope. This allows you to hold that soul longer, and pile on further and further sins that will be forgotten, even in the event of an eventual lapse toward our sworn enemy. One or two of these might be enough to ensure his involuntary enrollment in our Legion.

   In the words of a certain leader of North America, "Keep Hope Alive." 

By Way Of Introduction

    I am Wormwood, estranged nephew of one elder demon, Screwtape. His famous series of tiresomely boring letters were SUPPOSED to be a bit of advice from an experienced hand at the bringing of souls to our Father below, but instead proved to be a running narrative of my alleged failings.

   As part of my re-indroduction to the world of demoning, I have been tasked with keeping a blog posting of some of the newer methods of  bringing souls to the fold of eternal damnation. There is said to be nothing new under the Sun, but the technology has changed so quickly since the publication of those letters in 1943. Instantaneous communication is possible, and the desire to spread the habits of good demoning as quickly as possible is demanded by our Father below.

   The first advisory is Vigilance. Capital V. Our enemy above has recently gathered new converts to his empire, and we shall endeavor to slice them away from him, bit by bit, one at a time. The loss of but a single soul condemned me to 70 YEARS of torment. In case you don't know what that's like yet, perhaps I shall explain our beloved Fathers sense of humor. My mornings began with the cursed sound of chirping birds, making a happy noise to the enemy. It was immediately followed by the morning sandpapering of the genetalia, three days per week.

   The other four days, that happened with a cheese grater.

   Afternoons were spent in deep conversation with political personalities of the day. You've not experienced a special form of hell until you've been forced to moderate a three-year debate between Che' Guevara and Pol Pot, with Mao as a referee.

   Evenings, dinners consisting of cold ramen, and being forced to listen to disco music, and pick-up jazz bands.

   Pay attention to thee forthcoming lessons, less you be forced to experience this special brand of our Father's humor.